i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Randomize
