he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize