I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
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