I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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