around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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