Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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