I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
