Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
Buhtt sex?
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Randomize
