I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Randomize
