Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
and i looked up. we had an audience...
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
