god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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