Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize