That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Randomize
