I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
