Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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