I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize