This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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