Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
