come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Randomize
