is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
