dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Even my vagina gasped.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
