Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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