also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
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