Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
