I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
