I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Randomize
