so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
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