Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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