i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize