her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Randomize
