Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
