I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
