i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
