Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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