You really coming over, don't trick.
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Randomize
