The maid of honor just puked.
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
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