I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
