this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
The police scanner is talking about you again....
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
Randomize
