He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
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