So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize
