Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Randomize
