UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
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