Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
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