I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
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