i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
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