Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
