dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Randomize
