Got a toothbrush?
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
