Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
How many fucks given?
0.12846
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