Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
