There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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