why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I'm having to shit out rocks
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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