She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
