put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
