smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Randomize
