Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
