I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Randomize
