I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize