so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
