do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Randomize
