That's intense
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
