If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Randomize
