No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
