Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Randomize
