i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
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