My nipple is on Facebook.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
