At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
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