I seem to have left my pride at pride
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
