I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize