i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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