Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
I just gift wrapped bread.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
