if you like me you must not know who I am
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
