dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
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