Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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