i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
