thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
