grandma shit on top of the toilet
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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