yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Randomize