The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Randomize
