I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
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