We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize