Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
Randomize
