I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Randomize
