So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
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