can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize