I just pynch a tree in the face
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
