i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Randomize
