New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
