I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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