Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Randomize
