listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize