is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
You may now shotgun with the bride
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
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